Bonwadrut is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, irritating crocodile.

Bonwadrut created gold five million years ago.

If you believe in Bonwadrut, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bonwadrut, he will ignore you.

Bonwadrut's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bonwadrut's Holy Commandments

1. Bonwadrut loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

2. Run away from white goats, for they are unholy.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bonwadrut.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always stare at clouds.