Hapcadfem is a god.

He takes the form of a large, astonishing grasshopper.

Hapcadfem created the cosmos seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapcadfem, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hapcadfem, he will destroy your home planet.

Hapcadfem's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Hapcadfem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Hapcadfem on top of all buildings.

5. You must never eat oranges.