Lakrilvig is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unjust tortoise.

Lakrilvig created humanity two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakrilvig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakrilvig, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Lakrilvig's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Lakrilvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention porpoises.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near sheep while wearing fawn rings and balancing five nickel spheres on your chest.