God is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, amazing swan.

God created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in God, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in God, she will turn you into a puffin.

God's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

God's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt snakes.

2. Never feed wheat to ducks while wearing scarves.

3. Never look at comets.

4. Never talk about turtles.

5. Always look after injured voles.