Ontpaksid is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, amazing pigeon.

Ontpaksid created viruses four years ago.

If you believe in Ontpaksid, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ontpaksid, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ontpaksid's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ontpaksid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Do not trade with those who eat parsnips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.