Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy fish.

Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak created viruses eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not drink water in white rooms.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must pray to Nelnabpitcinpadxuckpak seven times a day.