Tuncampag is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, dishonest horse.

Tuncampag created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tuncampag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tuncampag, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tuncampag's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Tuncampag's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tuncampag first in all things.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Feed all hungry cats.

4. Never skip near gulls.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity.