Fonfumfed is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, passionate zebra.

Fonfumfed created a quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonfumfed, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fonfumfed, she will cry a lot.

Fonfumfed's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Fonfumfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about whales.

2. Never mention birds.

3. Fonfumfed must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always obey Fonfumfed's priests.

5. Do not covet oxen.