Nilyartbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, compassionate spider.

Nilyartbaf created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilyartbaf, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nilyartbaf, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nilyartbaf's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Nilyartbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Retreat if six bats approach from the north.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near sharks while wearing turquoise shirts and balancing eight silver spheres on your feet.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.