Gam Narsinlik Honpansis is a god.

It takes the form of a small, blissful squid.

Gam Narsinlik Honpansis created humankind three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gam Narsinlik Honpansis, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gam Narsinlik Honpansis, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gam Narsinlik Honpansis' most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gam Narsinlik Honpansis' Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near birds.

2. Never sprint in the presence of snakes.

3. Gam Narsinlik Honpansis loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not speak about lemons.

5. Always look after injured turtles.