Jamcemxen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured pig.

Jamcemxen created the Milkyway three billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamcemxen, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Jamcemxen, he will laugh at you.

Jamcemxen's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Jamcemxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never feed lots of peanuts to turtles while wearing purple scarves.

3. Jamcemxen loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Never hurt monkeys.

5. Never talk about fire.