Vonxemciss is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, happy unicorn.

Vonxemciss created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonxemciss, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vonxemciss, she will turn you into a snail.

Vonxemciss' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vonxemciss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Always treat snails with great respect.

3. Always help sick tapirs.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vonxemciss.

5. Do not covet oxen.