Afsadkadflat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, self-assured hippopotamus.

Afsadkadflat created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afsadkadflat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Afsadkadflat, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Afsadkadflat's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Afsadkadflat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Afsadkadflat's name in vain.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Afsadkadflat in the centre of the settlement.

4. Run away if five turtles approach from the north.

5. Do not kill dogs.