Gatfutbit is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, duplicitous aardvark.

Gatfutbit created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatfutbit, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gatfutbit, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Gatfutbit's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Gatfutbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not keep five goats in a large pit.

4. Never write about chromosomes.

5. Always help otters.