Flatzogtik is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, emotional cat.

Flatzogtik created everything that exists two years ago.

If you believe in Flatzogtik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flatzogtik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Flatzogtik's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Flatzogtik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near capybaras while wearing red shoes and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not hop in public.