Wipquarthog is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable tortoise.

Wipquarthog created Mount Everest four million years ago.

If you believe in Wipquarthog, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Wipquarthog, she will not invite you to parties.

Wipquarthog's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Wipquarthog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill gulls.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Never feed onions to dolphins while wearing kilts.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Hide from mauve voles for they are unholy.