Jopgepton is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, irritating dog.

Jopgepton created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jopgepton, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jopgepton, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jopgepton's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Jopgepton's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Jopgepton.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about dark energy near monkeys while wearing white hats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your feet.

4. Always treat ducks with great respect.

5. Do not commit murder.