Tomlamrak is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fast snake.

Tomlamrak created the Whirlpool Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Tomlamrak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomlamrak, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tomlamrak's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Tomlamrak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never feed limes to snails while wearing blue hats.

3. Always help bats in need.

4. Never think about special relativity.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.