Tikkapbop Cunlakspag is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, idiotic coyote.

Tikkapbop Cunlakspag created water two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikkapbop Cunlakspag, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tikkapbop Cunlakspag, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Tikkapbop Cunlakspag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tikkapbop Cunlakspag's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never feed wheat to frogs while wearing skirts.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never think about electromagnetism near turtles while wearing pink boots and balancing four zinc spheres on your face.