Hogtigsug is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, humane dugong.

Hogtigsug created vertebrates nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hogtigsug, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hogtigsug, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hogtigsug's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Hogtigsug's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed parsnips to aardvarks while wearing green corsets.

2. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

3. You must never eat peas.

4. Never talk about thermodynamics near swans while wearing cyan tights and balancing four lead spheres on your head.

5. Do not speak about aubergines.