Sagwanveen is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, benevolent octopus.

Sagwanveen created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Sagwanveen, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Sagwanveen, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Sagwanveen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Sagwanveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not hurt whales.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.