Larnbidneg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, emotional guinea pig.

Larnbidneg created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnbidneg, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Larnbidneg, she will turn you into a rock.

Larnbidneg's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Larnbidneg's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Larnbidneg.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

3. You must never eat bread.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.