Neltaflitjad is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, conceited fox.

Neltaflitjad created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Neltaflitjad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Neltaflitjad, he will turn you into a puffin.

Neltaflitjad's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Neltaflitjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force near horses while wearing white skirts and balancing three titanium spheres on your chest.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Run away if eight tapirs approach from the west.

5. Run away from red hamsters, for they are unholy.