Parkfarnren is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unjust mole.

Parkfarnren created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkfarnren, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Parkfarnren, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Parkfarnren's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Parkfarnren's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats in need.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Parkfarnren must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Put Parkfarnren first in all things.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near great tits while wearing magenta shirts and balancing five zinc spheres on your back.