Met is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, contented lobster.

Met created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Met, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Met, he will cry a lot.

Met's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Met's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven hamsters in a large pit.

2. Never paint your chest indigo.

3. Never talk about spacetime near turtles while wearing red skirts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your head.

4. Met must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.