Matlagyim is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, omniscient badger.

Matlagyim created the Large Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Matlagyim, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Matlagyim, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Matlagyim's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Matlagyim's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Matlagyim.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near bats while wearing turquoise shorts.

3. Always obey Matlagyim's priests.

4. Never talk about gravity near geese while wearing violet shirts and balancing four titanium spheres on your legs.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.