Tiprenyak is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, moody yak.

Tiprenyak created a quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tiprenyak, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tiprenyak, it will turn you into a rat.

Tiprenyak's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tiprenyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to otters while wearing violet dresses.

2. Do not speak about peas.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never run in the presence of turtles.