Popcaptan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, temperamental mink.

Popcaptan created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Popcaptan, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Popcaptan, he will destroy your favourite star.

Popcaptan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Popcaptan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always pray immersed in water.