Xembatpang is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, vain deer.

Xembatpang created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xembatpang, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xembatpang, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Xembatpang's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Xembatpang's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not take Xembatpang's name in vain.

3. Never think about galaxies.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Xembatpang must be the most important thing in your life.