Tanpibwik is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, dishonourable rat.

Tanpibwik created the planet Earth four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanpibwik, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tanpibwik, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tanpibwik's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Tanpibwik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to frogs while wearing violet trousers.

2. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Tanpibwik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never hop near horses.

5. Always help sick snails.