Listlabpagkarcab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, boastful porpoise.

Listlabpagkarcab created the planet Saturn four billion years ago.

If you believe in Listlabpagkarcab, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Listlabpagkarcab, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Listlabpagkarcab's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Listlabpagkarcab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not kill mites.

3. Never talk about capybaras.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near doves while wearing mauve trousers and balancing four titanium spheres on your legs.

5. Never feed cucumbers to snakes while wearing yellow coats.