Ortsoglat Wapliptad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, quiet ferret.

Ortsoglat Wapliptad created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ortsoglat Wapliptad, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortsoglat Wapliptad, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Ortsoglat Wapliptad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ortsoglat Wapliptad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never talk about enzymes.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep four mice in a large pit.