Flabjarnwee is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, calm crocodile.

Flabjarnwee created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flabjarnwee, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flabjarnwee, he will turn you into a snail.

Flabjarnwee's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Flabjarnwee's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your hands.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never eat bark.

5. You must love Flabjarnwee.