Gudzimdum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, temperamental giraffe.

Gudzimdum created dark matter two years ago.

If you believe in Gudzimdum, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gudzimdum, it will turn you into a plant.

Gudzimdum's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Gudzimdum's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Gudzimdum loves gulls, so they must be respected.

3. You must never eat strawberries.

4. Never feed lots of coconuts to voles while wearing fawn shorts.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Gudzimdum in the centre of the settlement.