Yarpgesskem is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, humane whale.

Yarpgesskem created the Cigar Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpgesskem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarpgesskem, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Yarpgesskem's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Yarpgesskem's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near birds while wearing pink stockings and balancing three carbon spheres on your legs.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.