Shavjigbast is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, emotional giraffe.

Shavjigbast created an atom two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavjigbast, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Shavjigbast, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Shavjigbast's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Shavjigbast's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Shavjigbast five times a day.

2. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Shavjigbast in the centre of the settlement.

3. Shavjigbast loves rats, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about gravity near geese while wearing black kilts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your face.

5. Never eat turnips.