Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, dishonourable crab.

Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas' most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of manatees.

2. Never talk about bats.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bestpomab Stafwapyog Nilstigsas.

4. Do not trade with those who eat strawberries.

5. Never feed lots of apples to tapirs while wearing turquoise rings.