Arfcimgeb is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unfair ferret.

Arfcimgeb created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Arfcimgeb, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Arfcimgeb, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arfcimgeb's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Arfcimgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arfcimgeb.

2. Run away if five swans approach from the south.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.