Battadyok Zenfentaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking eagle.

Battadyok Zenfentaf created a Higgs boson seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Battadyok Zenfentaf, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Battadyok Zenfentaf, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Battadyok Zenfentaf's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Battadyok Zenfentaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Battadyok Zenfentaf on top of all buildings.

3. Feed all hungry capybaras.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not kill dolphins.