Batgomzodstancan is a god.

She takes the form of a small, blissful tortoise.

Batgomzodstancan created a bottom quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Batgomzodstancan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Batgomzodstancan, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Batgomzodstancan's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Batgomzodstancan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about eukaryotes.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not speak about limes.