Jarncumrilflap is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, irritating elephant.

Jarncumrilflap created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarncumrilflap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarncumrilflap, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Jarncumrilflap's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Jarncumrilflap's Holy Commandments

1. Dogs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

3. Always help manatees.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.