Padlatwab is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, happy crocodile.

Padlatwab created a charm quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padlatwab, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Padlatwab, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Padlatwab's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Padlatwab's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate birds.

2. Padlatwab loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.