Tanzanzag is a god.

She takes the form of a small, wise deer.

Tanzanzag created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanzanzag, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tanzanzag, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Tanzanzag's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tanzanzag's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tanzanzag.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Worship no other gods but Tanzanzag.

4. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

5. Always stare at clouds.