Wapjenfid is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, compassionate centipede.

Wapjenfid created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wapjenfid, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Wapjenfid, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Wapjenfid's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Wapjenfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near seals.

2. Retreat if four goats approach from the west.

3. Do not speak about limes.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.