Nuttifing is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, overgenerous warg.

Nuttifing created the planet Venus five billion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttifing, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nuttifing, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Nuttifing's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Nuttifing's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of rats.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Never mention snails.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Nuttifing on top of all buildings.