Lagappig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, astonishing manatee.

Lagappig created Europe eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagappig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lagappig, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lagappig's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Lagappig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near mice.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not hurt ants.