Quafkinlop is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, calm hamster.

Quafkinlop created matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quafkinlop, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quafkinlop, he will send minions to preach to you.

Quafkinlop's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Quafkinlop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

3. Never feed peas to eagles while wearing stockings.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never eat turnips.