Vantettihivfit is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, ill-tempered dragonfly.

Vantettihivfit created the Sombrero Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vantettihivfit, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vantettihivfit, he will destroy your home planet.

Vantettihivfit's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Vantettihivfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near ducks while wearing black skirts and balancing four silicon spheres on your hands.

2. Never wear fawn kilts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always look after injured badgers.

5. Do not trade with those who eat apples.