Bell is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic cat.

Bell created the world six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bell, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bell, it will destroy your home planet.

Bell's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bell's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bell.

2. Bell must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. Hide if three snakes approach from the west.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.