Gompontif is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional slug.

Gompontif created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Gompontif, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gompontif, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gompontif's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Gompontif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Gompontif loves whales, so they must be respected.

5. Never jump near great tits.